The Evil Plans of Lady Sioux
Chapter 1
“Dammit!”
Siouxsie screamed, awaking the hundreds of bats into frantic flight from the roof of the cavernous underground cave. Her henchman slid, weasel-like, behind the rock on which a small radio sat.
“Who put this shit on?!” She demanded, slamming the side of her fist down onto the arm of her black and purple velvet-covered throne.
“You did, Lady Sioux.”
There was a moment’s silence, apart from the radio issuing ‘Inbetween Days’ into the echoing cavern, before she wailed angrily and threw her shiny black high-heeled shoes at the radio, knocking it off of the rock and down, missing the henchman by inches and smashing on the floor.
“Never let me hear that bastard’s voice in here again, Severin.” She ordered coldly as she swung her legs back up to sit with her legs on the arms of the throne.
“Of course not, Lady Sioux.”
“Why didn’t I achieve that god-like power?” she asked, running a dark purple finger nail over her equally dark purple lips. “Why didn’t my music get played in this alternative chart?”
“Smith’s…”
“DON’T SAY THAT NAME!!” Severin flinched back at her scream. “I’M BETTER THAN HIM! I LOOK BETTER IN MAKE-UP!! I’M NOT FAT!! WHERE DOES HE GET HIS POWER FROM?!” Her screeching echoes reverberated back and forth through the cave, more bats flitting from the stalactites, Severin flinching back behind the rock. “Or more importantly, where can I get it?”
“Maybe, from the source.” She raised an eyebrow to him. “My Lady.”
She smiled. “And where, Severin, would this source be?”
“From him, My Lady.”
“From that pie eating, lager drinking, whiny, self-loving, pretentious, fat…” she paused. “Man?” Severin nodded, Siouxsie smiled a cold, malicious smile. “Of course, I can get it from the ‘alternative god’ himself.” She cackled. “I do come up with good ideas, don’t I Severin?”
“Of course, Lady Sioux.”
~~~
Robert leant back on the soft comfortable sofa, sighing softly. He was incredibly happy, he and the band had recently conquered Live8 and he was listening one of their songs on the radio, requested by a child by the age of seven.
Simon bounced along to the song walking across the living room to hand Robert his drink of cola. “There we are again, Rob.”
“Yep.”
“You know, I had a thought. You’re pretty much the most significant person in the world.”
“Oh shut up.”
“You are, if anything happened to you, there would be a mass uproar from every major city in the world, and the little cities.”
“Why did you think that?”
“Because everyone loves you, you’re like a god.” Robert looked at Simon sceptically, smiled, and drunk some of his cola. Simon put his drink on the coffee table and leant on Robert, resting his head on Robert’s shoulder. “I love you in any case, god or not.”
“I’m only a god when you’re with me.”
“Hmm…” Simon grinned. “I’ve noticed that.”
Robert nudged him in the ribs playfully. “I didn’t mean like that.”
“I did.”
They laughed. “Oh Simon, where would I be without you?”
~~~
“But we can’t just simply grab him off the streets, now can we?” Siouxsie looked at her henchman. “Why aren’t you pacing while I think?!”
“Sorry, My Lady.” Severin said in his sickly smooth voice and started to pace back and forth slowly.
“He’ll never be alone; he’ll have that drunken fool by his side all the time.”
“Simon is easily distracted though, it’ll be simple to part them.”
She glanced at him sideways, an angled eyebrow rising. “He does care a lot for that…” she paused. “Bass player.”
“He does.” There was a moment’s silence. “What if I find where they are, and watch them, and work my way into their trust. Then, when I’ve got them alone…”
Siouxsie grinned madly. “You will drug the bass player and bring him back here!”
“Simon?! Why him? You want Robert.”
“Severin, bring my shoes back here.”
Severin picked up the slightly scuffed black heels and handed them back to Siouxsie.
“Go back over there.”
He did so.
“DON’T SAY THOSE NAMES IN MY PRESENCE!!” Siouxsie shrieked as she threw the shoes at him, missing him by mere inches.
“Sorry Lady Sioux.”
She sighed. “Good. Now if you’ve stopped badmouthing, I’ll continue with hatching my evil plan.”
“Yes, My Lady.”
“So you will bring Simon here, as he is the thing dear fat Bob cares most for in the world, and then when he comes to save his precious bass player, he’ll be forced to trade his god powers for his lover’s life! HAHA! THEN I WILL RULE!!!”
Siouxsie cackled evilly, Severin joining in the maniacal joviality.
“Severin! Why are you laughing?! Go! This plan is too good to go to waste! Go now!”
“Yes Lady Sioux.”
So Severin went, adorning his black square sunglasses to protect his powerful eyes from the sunlight which he feared so much, and started his watch over Robert and Simon.
~~~
“You know Si; it is such a nice day out.” Robert said idly twiddling at his hair while staring out of the window at the beautiful blue sky. “Shall we go for a drive?”
“Why?”
“Well it just seems a perfect summers’ day. Don’t want to waste it, is all. We could go to a park or something.”
“Or the pub?”
Robert smiled and laughed. “If you want to.”
“Alright then.”
~~~
“Like that’s surprising…” Severin muttered as he ducked below the windowsill. “Hmmm.”
He held his chin as he mused. He noticed Robert’s car sat in the driveway, the back left tyre slightly deflated. Severin grinned horribly.
~~~
Robert walked out of the front door, standing on the step as Simon locked the door. He looked around at the empty summer street.
The bushes on his right rustled slightly, he looked and only saw a black shape, he smiled, knowing that the days’ sun was a bit too hot for black, and black cats would suffer most, so any cat hiding in the bushes was a clever one.
“Right.”
Simon put his keys in his pocket and turned, nodding to Robert to confirm that now was the time for driving.
“Right.” Robert smiled and turned to his car, and his smile fell. “What the fuck?”
Simon frowned, confused by Robert’s sudden attitude change, his confusion was short lived however, as he looked at what Robert’s anger was directed at.
Robert’s car seemed a lot shorter due to the tyres being completely flat. He moved round the car, seeing, as he did, that all four tyres had been completely ripped. “What happened?”
Simon looked around the driveway. “Nothing sharp around them.”
Severin smirked as he looked on, watching the two men look confusedly at the tyres of the car.
Robert sighed. “We can walk.”
“But you wanted to drive.”
“It’s that much of a nice day I don’t mind walking.”
Simon wrinkled his nose. “Haven’t you got a spare in the boot?”
“Four spares?”
“Oh alright.”
Severin watched the pair link arms and walk down the road, he waited a while and got out of the bush, following their path, staying close enough behind them to catch anything they might say, but far enough to not be noticed, and to not look suspicious.
He followed them for a few moments, until they reached their favourite pub. He paused as they went inside, grinning evilly and slinking down a dark alley.
He removed his sunglasses and pulled back the sleeve of his black jumper. He held up his 'watch', which was really a cleverly disguised communication device of his own construction; he pressed a button on the side of it.
"Lady Sioux, can you hear me?"
"SEVERIN!" her voice screeched from the small device. "HAVE YOU FOUND THEM?!"
"I have, My Lady."
"Good. Engage Stage Two."
"Stage Two?"
A pause.
"Severin. You must remind me to hit you when you get back with the bass player."
"Yes, Lady Sioux."
"Commence Stage Two, Severin."
He hesitated, and if there is one thing Siouxsie hates, was a person hesitating.
"GET IN BETWEEN THEM AND DRUG THAT BASTARD BASSPLAYER!!"
"Oh. I see. Yes Lady Sioux, sorry My Lady."
~~~
Robert bought two pints over to the table which Simon sat at and sat next to him, sighing happily.
Simon drank from his pint.
"Everything's so perfect today, I can't think of a single thing that could ruin such a perfect day." Simon coughed, spluttering his pint over the table. "Simon! What on Earth's gotten into you?"
"Severin!"
Robert looked at Simon sadly. "You said you hated him...."
"No! I mean..." he pointed. "Severin!"
Robert looked around, seeing the black-clad henchman walking into the pub casually.
"What's he doing here?" Robert pondered aloud.
"I don't care. I don't trust him."
"Oh Simon, stop being silly."
"I'm not, I just don't trust him."
"Oh shush, it's not like he's evil or anything."
"He's in league with that bitch, of course he-"
"Steve! Hey Sev!" Robert called across the pub, waving his hand frantically in the air to catch the man's attention. "OI!"
"Oh! Hello Robert."
"Come sit with us!"
Simon gasped, shocked, and pulled Robert's hand down. "What're you doing?!"
"He's a mate; he should be allowed to have a drink with us."
"He's no mate of mine."
"Oh Simon. Come on, just one drink."
Simon sighed. "You're lucky I love you enough."
Robert smiled as Simon slipped along the seat and crossed his arms. He called Severin again and beckoned him to sit with them.
"So, Sev, what brings you here?"
Severin smiled, his weasel-like eyes darting from Robert's smile to Simon's frown, he knew Simon had no trust in him.
"Just going for a walk."
Robert looked surprised. "What a coincidence! So were we!" Robert said happily, nudging Simon. "Weren't we Simon?"
Severin's eyebrows twitched. "Really? What a small world we live in."
"Tiny." Simon said.
"How are you two then?"
"We're brilliant."
"Without you."
"Simon."
Severin laughed, surprising both Robert and Simon. "Simon, Simon, Simon. Can't you let past actions die? That was years ago, I bet you still believe I'm trying to 'steal' your Robert from you."
Robert and Severin laughed, making Simon realise how silly he was behaving.
"I guess... sorry mate."
"It's fine, Simon. Let me buy you a drink, bury the hatchet."
"Sure."
~~~
Siouxsie sighed, listening to the repetitive lyrics of 'Happy House' with her eyes closed.
She wondered when Severin would be back with the unconscious bass player... she re-thought her plan. It would work. Maybe she should've added 'in any way possible' on the end of it, just to generalise how he could get him.
She sat up, looking around regally. "Yes, your Majesty, I would be honoured to take your place as Queen."
She waved her hand experimentally. "Worship me and I will spare you, come here, small insignificant person, and I will sign your face."
She swung her legs back over the arm of her throne, lounging back and sighing.
"I will have that silly band as my slaves, they will not go near my food as they might poison it with their... their... cure-ness."
A bleeping sound was heard and she pressed a button on her staff which stood by the side of her throne, and a screen dropped down, revealing Severin.
"What do you want?"
"Lady Sioux, Simon's taken the drugs..."
"How?"
"I bought him a drink."
"Good, Severin, very good."
"Thank you, My Lady."
"Now, bring him here."
"Yes, Lady Sioux."
"Separate them. By any means possible."
"Yes, My Lady."
"Now, go."
"Yes, My Lady."
~~~
Simon yawned widely.
"Poor Simon, are you tired?"
"Knackered."
"We haven't walked that much and it's nowhere near bedtime."
"I know."
"You haven't had much to drink either." He yawned again, and Robert hugged him softly. "You have a nap."
"I might."
Severin returned from the toilets, and smiled amusedly at Simon being half asleep on Robert.
"He doesn't have a strong alcohol tolerance does he?"
"He does usually." Simon made a small mutter. "I think he's just tired."
"Age getting to him?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing."
Severin smiled, a few hours had passed, Robert had drunk enough, and he was now babbling and not even noticing Simon asleep on the other end of the leather chair.
Simon garbled something loudly and jolted awake. He shuffled off the chair and fell off the edge.
“Owie.” He whined, then climbed back onto the chair, trying to curl up on the leather like an overgrown cat.
“Well, I must be going now.” Severin said, standing up, he knew his time away from Sioux was too long, she’d wonder where he’s been, wonder if he’s starting to fail her. He didn’t want that and his plan needed one more step for it to work, and hopefully, this was it.
“OH! Must you?!”
“Yes.”
“Good riddance.” Simon mumbled from his strange wriggling on the seat.
“Not very nice.” Robert said disapprovingly.
“Fuck off.”
Robert gasped in an offended way then got up, grinning and stormed into the toilets, giving one glance back before he shut the door behind him.
Severin smiled, his luck was very good today, he put on his square sunglasses and grabbed Simon, covering his mouth and dragging him out of the pub and into the sunlight.
Simon struggled uselessly against Severin, usually he would be able to fight his way free, beat the living snot out of Severin, then go back in the pub and get two pints down him before Robert was out of the toilets.
But now, he was slowly losing his strength, getting sleepier and sleepier as he was pulled along. His eyesight began to fade, he’d managed to see the pub moving further away, felt a strange dropping feeling and he fell into darkness with a circle of light above him.
“Have I died?” he asked tiredly, shutting his eyes as he felt himself be picked up, his voice echoing as though in some sort of wet drippy smelly tunnel.
“No, but you’ll soon wish you had.”
~~~
“SEVERIN! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?!”
“I had to wait until…” he paused, unknowing of how to speak the others name without saying it.
“I do not like you hesitating, Severin, hurry up and finish.”
“The singer left the room, so I had to drag him out, but I got him.”
Siouxsie smiled an evil smile. “Excellent. Put him in the cage above the lava. His super strength won’t help him there.”
Severin put Simon in a big metal cage, and pulled the chain that suspended it above a pool of hot boiling lava.
Siouxsie sat at her throne, smiling her evil smile happily. “Severin, despite how long you took, you have done a very good job, I expect our dear fat Bob will be out, frantically searching for his paralytic partner, and get our message in two days time.”
